Ok. It’s fine. Don’t respond to any of my texts even though I see you attached to your phone constantly
OMG it doesn’t get any better. It hasn’t gotten any easier. He just left and I can’t stop crying my eyes out. This just isn’t fair
Of these engagements
I miss him so much right now. This sucks. I feel out of place everywhere because I’m in a different stage of my life compared to literally everyone. I’m still in band so that makes me different than all but one pharmacy student. I’m still different there because it seems like I plan ahead way more than she does. I’m also older. Then, there are the band people. I’m not an undergrad anymore. Most of them, besides like 3 other people, are undergrads. I have the tuition to prove that I’m not. And it’s annoying that people don’t seem to see the importance or difference or necessity to refer to me as a 4th year or P1. I’m not a senior. Period. Why do I keep getting grouped like that and then I look like a bitch if I correct them?
To top it all off, the person who made everything better and made me feel like I could be welcomed anywhere no matter what, the person who majorly helped me increased my confidence, the person who makes me feel unstoppable, and the person I love so much, is not there every night anymore. I miss him so much. It’s the first time I’ve cried since Sunday. But I really miss him. I thought band could help keep my
Mind off of all the changes and it only works to an extent. I just miss him! Ugh
We’ve never gone more than a week without seeing each other. We will be going 2 weeks this time. He just left and I’m already crying. I feel like a part of me is gone. This is going to be a rough couple of years…. I just need a hug and no one is awake and the one I usually go to for hugs is driving home right now. Having him visit was absolutely amazing, but it hurts just as much as it did the first time when I left home as it does this time when he left. This sucks.
Here I am over her crying my eyes out every day because I miss my amazing
Boyfriend being here with me… When I’ve had friends lose a parent recently. I feel like I’m not supposed to be this upset because it’s not the same. I just function differently I guess. I have a lot of anxiety that is getting harder to control. I can’t keep thinking that I didn’t actually lose Brian so I can’t justify being upset. Everyone deals with things differently and this is something I’m having a hard time dealing with. I wish I could help those friends who have lost family. I just don’t know what to do besides be the for them, and I should focus on the fact that our situations different and should not be compared.
Miss you Brian
At leash we’ve talked on the phone plenty of times and will again tomorrow andddd hell week will keep my mind off of it.
Love you Brian! ❤️
I can’t believe I’m here and you’re not. This is too different for me. I miss you already
Each year or time I go back to school, it gets harder and harder. What held me together was knowing that my other half was going to be there with me. He’s my rock. I never knew I could love, appreciate, and depend on someone this much. I’m starting pharmacy school and he is student teaching this semester at home. This year is that much harder to think about going back. Some people might think I’m crazy. Some people might think I have some major issues. However, if you knew how much I hate change AND how much this guy means to me, maybe you could understand. My rock will be at home this year. This will be the longest we have ever been apart. My question is…… Why am I like this? What makes me able to justify me crying every time I think about leaving home with him and my family behind? There are so many people who are in long distance relationships and they are just fine. And it’s not like I’m afraid something will happen to US. I’m afraid of ME. I’m afraid of how I handle this. I’m afraid that people will just think I’m crazy and brush me off because I’m not a special case. I’m not the first one to go through a situation just like this. We knew this was coming eventually… But I just can’t believe it’s here. Everyone can argue that their relationship is special and that it is hard for anyone, but I’m not just anyone. I hate change. When I form a bond with someone or ACTUALLY let my guard down to trust them, it’s a big deal. He means so much to me. I’m gonna be honest and say that I know I want to marry this guy. He’s incredible. However, I know people who are living apart and they’re married (deployment or schooling or other various reasons), so again, how am I able to justify this? What do I do now? How do I cope? I’m currently trying to continually tell myself that I am ok. I also decided to just start typing out my feelings on here. I’m actually calming down. Maybe this will help? Maybe tumblr might become a space for me to vent and explain without me getting so upset that my nasal passages swell shut (worry… Future pharmacist here… I talk nerdy). I might potentially be on here more, talking about my new life. It’s funny because I’m going back to Iowa City, to the same house with the same roommates, and I have essentially the same friends. However, the two changes are major and it’s a big deal…. starting pharmacy school AND not having my rock there to hold me together. I just have to remember that we are both in a place where we are trying to make a better future for ourselves, and even is as a couple. I need to remember that I have to figure out how to handle this because it’s happening regardless. I also need to continually tell myself that I am in fact ok, and maybe I’ll begin to believe it eventually.
(I love you Brian and I’m so proud of you.)